


a little lower than the angels

by freloux



Series: love is a promise [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fingerfucking, Older Man/Younger Woman, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 10:41:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5045158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freloux/pseuds/freloux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sequel to 'seraphim and cherubim'</p>
            </blockquote>





	a little lower than the angels

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I am so far gone for this ship you have no idea. It's bad. If you want real black tar Clara/Twelve emotions, may I suggest listening to "Bridge Over Troubled Water." Brb weeping.
> 
> The 'love is a promise' series generally has a sadder tone than the 'intarsia' series. It examines the realities of what a Time Lord/human relationship looks like, and what it's like to love someone with PTSD/trauma in their pasts.

Afterwards he feels fucking guilty. When he looks at her, though, he thinks that perhaps he isn't quite guilty enough. (He's an alien, he's not blind - of course he knows she's beautiful.)

He told her that it wasn't her mistake, to think that he was her boyfriend. This is what he was afraid of, that he was depriving her of a more human connection. It makes the memories worse, because he's mired in all this guilt: guilt from the Time War, and now with this thing he's started with Clara.

He lived for 2,000 years, though, without thinking that he would meet someone like her. For so long, he saw himself as just a man with a box, burdened with stories, wondering over and over whether he was a good man. Then he has another trauma episode and it all falls apart. It's visceral, it's like he's right there in Gallifrey: the smoke, the orange and shimmering sky and he's walking through the TARDIS with Clara, but living through this at the same time. He finally decides that he doesn't care if he's a good man or not, he's just very, very tired. Tired of living like this.

The Doctor clenches his fist and leans heavily into his chair, trying to will all the memories to just stop.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Clara asks, coming up the stairs until she's standing patiently in front of him. She studies him, her eyes dark and serious, as he tells her about what happened to Gallifrey - and what happened to him.

All that time, and now he has someone to tell his stories to. She takes them head-on and doesn't flinch.

It's not the only thing she takes head-on without flinching. Clara approaches sex the same way she approaches everything else: with an eager and willing enthusiasm.

His favorite part is teaching her things about herself. He likes exploring her, but he's not necessarily ignorant - over his lifetime, he's learned some things about humans and what they like. He's got an idle curiosity about the whole affair, but he knows that from her human perspective it means much more than that.

Clara kisses like she's hungry, like she's touch-starved. She presses against him and holds his hips and just grinds. It's overwhelming every time. The only way he knows to respond is to be a little controlling. He slowly spreads her lips with his fingers, exploring the slickness of her skin and the way she shudders against his touch. As if curious, he pushes two fingers gently inside her and strokes carefully against that sensitive spot.

"Please, let me - " she whimpers.

"No, not yet," he responds quietly, watching the way she twists her hips, searching. He likes studying her when she gets wild and frustrated like this.

"Please," she says again, and he watches as she tries to get herself off on his hand. He realizes then, that this is the essence of their relationship: her running after him, him withdrawn. "Doctor, please - " Now she's almost crying, frantic with how much she wants this. He can feel it under his touch, how wet she's getting.

Finally he lets her, massaging her clit in deliberate motions until her eyes fall shut and she pants his name over and over, body trembling as she rides the comedown.

He slides his fingers back out of her, feeling vaguely satisfied with the way she comes apart in his hands.

Of course, Clara's still human. She's selfish and impulsive and gets herself into trouble and it drives him fucking nuts. Through it all, though, he realizes that he still cares for her, even though she's younger and doesn't have the experience he does. He's starting to see that love is a promise.

It's exactly what he was afraid of. Every time he tries to cut himself off, she draws him back. "I don't care. I want to be with you," she returns. "This is all I have."

He knows she's right. It's all he has, too.


End file.
